


wishing you were somehow here again

by stuckontheceiling



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Episode 69 spoilers, F/M, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, POV shift, can be read as platonic or romantic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-29
Updated: 2019-07-03
Packaged: 2020-05-29 14:47:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19402495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stuckontheceiling/pseuds/stuckontheceiling
Summary: [post episode 69] Fjord doesn't know how to deal with people who are crying, especially when it comes to his friends. But when Jester has a nightmare, he does his best to help her, even when he's still hurting himself.





	1. Fjord

**Author's Note:**

> wrote this to deal with my emotions after that episode because holy damn, mr. mercer. lowkey inspired by the second verse from "wishing you were somehow here again" from phantom of the opera. alright, hope you enjoy.

Fjord could barely sleep. He tried to. He kept his eyes shut but the lull of slumber could not capture him. His mind kept wandering back to the tomb, back to Yasha, back to the faces of pure terror on his friends’ faces as they ran away as fast as they could. So when Beau gently tapped him to see if he wanted to take a second watch, he gladly took the opportunity. There was no point in trying to sleep if he was never going to be able to. 

He sat there, staring at the wall across from him mostly. Not very many other people were up here above the Ready Room anyway, maybe one or two. He couldn’t tell right now. They just looked like lumps of fabric right now. The only thing on his mind was whether or not they truly did know the person they were traveling with. Fjord’s mind raced over every moment the Nein had with Yasha, every interaction. And he had to stop himself for a moment. Did Molly know? Did Molly know the whole time and said nothing to them? What would have his former roommate done in that situation? 

Fjord's racing thoughts were interrupted when he heard whimpering a little ways away from him. He jerked his head towards the source, hoping it was not someone trying to hurt one of his companions. He couldn’t handle that if it was, not right now, not after what happened. 

No, he recognized who it was pretty quickly. It was Jester. She was writhing around in her sleep, muttering things he couldn’t hear. It took him a minute but he finally put two and two together, a nightmare. He moved over towards her, stepping over a sleeping Caleb and trying his best not to wake any of the others. When he got closer to her, Fjord was able to make out what it was she was saying.

“ _ Yasha. _ .. _ please _ ... _ don’t... _ ” 

“Jester, wake up.” The words came out in a harsh whisper. The best Fjord could do without causing too much of a ruckus.

“Jess, c’mon.” 

He went to put his hand on her shoulder in order to shake her this time but the minute he made contact, Jester jerked awake. Her violet eyes were wide with the same fear that filled them before, scanning quickly around the room. When her eyes finally landed on Fjord’s, they immediately filled with tears.

“Hey, c’mere, c’mere.” He held his arms open to her and she almost lept into them. “Sh, sh, it was just a dream.” 

Fjord didn’t know how to take the situation in front of him. Jester was someone he had never seen anything like this. While there were some moments where her smile had faltered; the kidnapping and when they lost Molly, of course. But Jester was the definition of the word, “bright.” No matter how tough of a situation she always did her best to cheer everyone else up or make sure the rest of them were okay. There was that time on the Ball Eater that Fjord caught a glimpse of this broken version of her. But he never expected to have Jester outwardly sobbing in his arms. 

Fjord knew that whatever it was he was feeling about the events at hand needed to be put aside. She didn’t need to hear his anger again. She didn’t need to hear his pain. She needed someone to hear hers. She needed someone to tell her it was going to be okay; that they were going to figure it all out. 

“Why don’t you tell me what happened?” He spoke softly. Jester shook her head, pulling away to wipe at the tears still streaming. He moved so they were sitting next to each other now and wrapped his right arm around her. “Best way to forget a nightmare is to talk about it.” 

She took a breath before speaking, gathering herself as best she could. “W-we were on a beach. A beach back home, on the Menagerie Coast. And then she just...she was different. It was just like...” 

And she began to cry again, with her hands going up to cover her face. Fjord sat there silently as she wept, still trying to figure out what to tell her. He never knew how to deal with other people crying. 

“We shouldn’t have left her there, Fjord.” Jester sniffed, “We should have taken her with us.” 

He sighed. “We didn’t have a choice, Jess. We would have died.”

Jester didn’t say anything to that. She just sat there, next to him. Something told him that she knew he was right. But he didn’t want to be right. He wished he could make it better for her, for all of them. He wished they never went into that stupid tomb. They all knew it wasn’t going to be good and still they went. 

“Look, I know Yasha was... _is_ our friend." He corrected himself. "But whoever or whatever that was, whoever was attacking us, that wasn’t her. That was someone entirely different. Our friend was not in that room with us." 

Jester turned up to look at him. Her tear stained face felt like two large Eldritch blasts in the chest. He moved his arm to grasp her hand tightly in his own.

“It’s going to take some time but we will find a way to get her back. Or at least figure out what the hell is going on and how to stop it from destroying the world.” Jester nodded quietly and Fjord squeezed her hand. “You should go back to sleep. You’re gonna need to be prepared for what comes next.” 

“I’m scared.” She whispered. 

“I know. We all are.”

“Will you stay right here with me?” Her voice was so quiet he could barely hear what she asked. 

“Of course. If you have another nightmare, let me know, okay?” 

It was a phrase was so simple but it told her everything he wanted her to know. That he was here. That he wasn’t going anywhere. That she could come to him just the same as he had come to her in his hour of need. 

With a nod and finally a soft smile, one that gave Fjord a huge wave of relief that he didn’t know he needed, Jester laid down once more on the rough bedroll on top of the hard floor and fell asleep, still holding Fjord’s hand. 


	2. Jester

“We need to go. Now.” Caduceus reaffirmed again. The rest of the party stood quietly together, still trying to understand the events that had just taken place, as the usually calm and collected firbolg gave them orders. 

Jester could barely look at Fjord as they saddled back onto Yarnball. She couldn’t make sense of this but she knew deep in her heart that whoever attacked them _wasn’t_ Yasha. Fjord had to know that, didn’t he? He was just angry. Hell, they all were in their own minds. The only word that could come to her mind was heartbreak, the same emotion she had felt when the others explained that Molly was no longer with them. But this heartbreak was different and the young tiefling attributed it to the fact that Yasha was still alive physically but her mind was elsewhere. 

Jester racked her brain, trying to think of every possible answer that she could come up as they made their journey back to Bazzoxan. None seemed to fit. And though she had finally stopped sobbing, the tears would not stop falling down her face. The moment they returned to the communal barracks they slept in a few days prior, Jester didn’t wait for anyone to say if they would be taking watch or even for Beau to call out that the spellcasters of the party needed to sleep first. She curled into a ball, holding her symbol of the Traveler. Jester’s eyes closed tightly as she silently prayed for any relief from what she was feeling. After a while she could feel the warmth of his embrace and soon enough she was asleep. 

* * *

_The calming sound of the waves was refreshing and accompanied with the warm sun that gazed over the Menagerie Coast. It was precisely what they needed after the past few months of travels across the continent. Jester’s eyes scanned the ocean’s horizon taking in the beautiful view of her homeland in front of her as she breathed in the fresh air._

_The area was quiet aside from the soft sound of the waves that rolled onto the shore, nipping at Jester’s bare feet and the rare seagull that called above her. She could hear the gentle crunch of sand that told her someone was approaching from behind her. When Jester craned her head to get a view of whoever it was, she saw Yasha coming near. A smile broke out on her face as her tall, barbarian friend stood directly behind where she was sitting. And as the two made eye contact, a smile crept onto Yasha’s, a smile that made Jester’s drop._

_Yasha’s face was unrecognizable with the scary grin plastered upon it. Blood began to pour from her eyes, just like the statues of the angels in the tomb. Yasha’s right arm went behind her, grabbing the Magician’s Judge from where it was strapped to her back. Jester was paralyzed as she saw the woman she knew to be one of her close friends bring the two-handed great sword down towards her._

_“Yasha...please...don’t d-”_

_Jester’s last word cut off from the dream quickly fading into darkness. The last thing she was the tip of the sword just above her eyes._

* * *

Jester, no longer in her dream, felt a hand on her arm and her eyes shot open instantly. Frantically and out of fear, she looked around the room but then she saw Fjord kneeling beside her with a concerned look on his face. 

“Hey, c’mere, c’mere.” He spoke softly as he shifted to a sitting position. The tears fell quickly as Jester scrambled into his open arms. 

“Sh, sh, it was just a dream.” 

It didn’t matter anymore that his immediate reaction to Yasha’s betrayal was so harsh. Fjord was here, alive just like the rest of them. When it came back to her once again that they all could have died back there, Jester held tighter as her sobs were muffled into his shoulder. 

“Why don’t you tell me what happened?”

No. Jester shook her head at that. She didn’t want to relive that dream again. It was too real, too frightening. The way Yasha grinned at her made her sick to her stomach. She pulled away from Fjord so she could attempt her best to stop crying. She felt embarrassed. 

““Best way to forget a nightmare is to talk about it.” Fjord said as he wrapped an arm tightly around her shoulder. 

Jester took a deep breath. She knew Fjord was right.

“W-we were on a beach. A beach back on the Menagerie Coast. And then she just...she was different. It was just like...” 

The tears flooded her eyes once more as she tried to recall what had just happened. Jester quickly covered her face, not wanting Fjord to see her act like such a baby. 

“We shouldn’t have left her there, Fjord.” Jester’s voice was muffled from the hands hiding her face. “We should have taken her with us.” 

“I know but we didn’t have a choice, Jess. We would have died.”

Again, he was right. Nott wouldn’t have been able to see her husband and son again or even tell them what happened. Caduceus wouldn’t have found his family or that kiln he was so desperately trying to find. And she would never ever get to hug her mother or tell her how much she loved her.

“Look, I know Yasha was…” Fjord paused and corrected himself, “is our friend. But whoever or whatever that was, whoever was attacking us, that wasn’t her. That was someone entirely different. Our friend was not in that room with us.”

Jester’s eyes stared down at the floor. It was a stare so harsh that she was sure if she kept it up, a hole would begin to burn in it.

“Look at me, Jester.” And she did. His face was full of worry as he continued to speak. She felt his hand move to hold hers and they both held on to each other tightly. 

“It’s going to take some time but we will find a way to get her back. Or at least figure out what the hell is going on and how to stop it from destroying the world.” 

Jester meekly nodded, feeling her eyes start to droop as pure exhaustion swept over her once more. 

“You should go back to sleep.” Fjord said, squeezing her hand. “You’re gonna need to be prepared for what comes next.” 

“I’m scared.” She whispered, scared their conversation would wake the others or that one of them was listening.

“We all are.” 

“Will you stay right here with me?” Jester felt something in her stomach flip as she asked that question. She didn’t think he would say no to her small request but something inside told her that it was a loaded question. She could feel that she wasn’t just asking for him to stay with her for the night but for the rest of wherever their travels would take them.“Of course. If you have another nightmare, let me know, okay?” He said so sincerely that Jester almost thought she heard his real accent come through. 

They had been friends for a while now and she knew Fjord would stick by her no matter what as she would for him. But this small conversation completely confirmed it. A smile, ever so small, crept on her face as she nodded. And with that, Jester settled back into her bedroll with Fjord’s hand still in her own. She closed her eyes no longer frightened of the dream as sleep came once more. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok hi. i had written the first half of this chapter, intending it to be the orignial work but then it changed. but then i couldn't help myself so i expanded it into this. hope you like it as much as the first one.


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